Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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