So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
