If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
