I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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