I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
