OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
