i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
