I accidentally had phone sex last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
