im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
