I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
