I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
