she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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