Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
