Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize