What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
