I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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