Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
