I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
