i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
