I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we're so committed to being not committed
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
