that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
