I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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