I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
