i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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