Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my liver is dry heaving
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
