WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
