went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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