This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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