How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
