so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
