matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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