she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
