Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
