I wish my penis had an off switch
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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