Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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