Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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