I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
