The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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