it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
