I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize