we're chasing vodka with high fives
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
