Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
