remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
