what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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