Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
