I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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