There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
