3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
not ubering you a puppy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize