I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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