we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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