I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
