I smell stomach acid.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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