so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
