the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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