Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please, let me fuck your mom
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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