Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will be naked everywhere
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
