Someone shit on the floor
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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