i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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