some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
