i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was born a porn star she said
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
