Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize