She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
