I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
