I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
