I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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