alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize