you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
